Tuesday, March 2, 2010

4. Black Folks Like Barack Obama


In the 2008 election, black people from all over the country helped America see its first black President; Barack Obama. Many of these voters were black people who had never followed politics before that year, much less voted. Something about Barack Obama changed the way black people viewed politics and politics as a whole.

As noted by the online inspiration for this blog, white people also like Barack Obama. But black people really really like Barack Obama. The relationship between black people and Barack Obama borders on idolatry.

Don't be too hard on them, though. You see, black people are in unfamiliar territory. They are not used to the country paying attention to what they have to say, so they are unsure of the best way to approach this situation. Now, they feel that they have an official "inside-man" who just happens to be the most powerful man in the world. So, black people are kind of excited right now.

Now It may seem that black people like Barack Obama simply because he is also black. But this isn't necessarily true. While it is true that one of the things that black people like is other black people, the fact is there have been many other black leaders and politicians in recent times, and none of them have captured black people's hearts the way that Barack Obama has.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

3. Black Folks Like "Hustlin'"

Like most Americans, black people like making money. However, it's often harder for black people to make money than it is for other Americans (i.e white people), so they must resort to hustling.

"Hustling" (also referred to often as "grinding") is a general term that refers to making money in what can be considered non-traditional ways. In general, hustling is purely entrepreneurial in nature, and may or may not be illegal. Popular examples of hustling include running a beauty salon or barbershop from your home, becoming a rapper or record producer, or selling bootlegged dvds and cds. Black people need to hustle, mainly due to their tendency to buy things they can't afford.

You should note that this use of the word "hustling" is different from 'hustling' someone in a sport or game, which refers to disguising your skill in hopes of convincing someone to bet money that they can beat you. However, hustling people may very well be a black person's financial hustle.

This is not to say that black people don't have jobs. On the contrary, black people generally have jobs, but the job is also supplemented by what is often referred to as a "side-hustle". The side-hustle may be legitimate and remarkable, such as a online small business start-up. On the other hand, it may be shady or illegal such as the sale of marijuana to local high school kids.

In any case it is well documented in many hiphop songs that black people are fond of and good at starting and implementing effective hustles.

2. Black Folks Like The Electric Slide


If you collect a large group of black people, and turn on music of any sort, you can very well bet that some sort of line-dance will take place. In many cases, the line dance of choice for black people will be the king of all line dances, the Electric Slide. This is probably because it's been around for thirty years, having given everyone plenty of time to have learned it. There is also the added benefit that the dance can be done to pretty much every song ever made.

Line dances were originally invented by white people, and consisted of cowboy-booted heel-clicking. Black people are generally better than white people when it comes to things that involve rhythm, however, and the popularity of the Electric Slide brought the concept across the racial line. Nowadays there are new and more advanced line dances popping up every now and then, but they are all based on the Electric Slide.

Here is a video of black people doing the Electric Slide.



It is usually pretty easy to get a line dance going, presuming there is music playing and you have a significant number of black people to do the dance with you. Use discretion when attempting to start up a newer, more complicated dance, such as the Cupid Shuffle or Cha Cha Slide. Unlike the Electric Slide, these dances are meant to be performed to certain songs. A suggestion would be to stick to the Electric Slide because all black people know how to do the Electric Slide.

1. Black Folks Like Sprite


In the 90s and early 2000s, The Coca-Cola Company inexplicably spent millions of dollars marketing their Sprite drink to an unlikely target: black people. It started in the 80's with commercials featuring hiphop acts like Kurtis Blow and Heavy D, but Coca-Cola really started to target young black people in the mid-90's with the "Obey Your Thirst" tagline and dozens of commercials featuring many popular rappers and basketball players; who, as the folks at Coca-Cola must have learned, happen to be the two most likely role-models for the average black child.

It's not clear why Coca-Cola chose Sprite to be the soft drink for black people, but one thing is for sure; their marketing campaign worked well. If you are out at a restaurant with a black person and you are left with the task of ordering his or her drink, you can almost never go wrong with Sprite. Even if you encounter a black person who, for example, is health-conscious and does not drink soft drinks, you should still be in the clear as that person will understand where you were coming from and probably end up drinking it anyway.

It is important to note that black people are not as inclined to drink other non-Sprite lemon-lime flavored soft drinks. Despite the fact that 7-Up and Sierra Mist taste virtually the same as Sprite, black people are less likely to choose them because they don't have the same history. You certainly didn't see Lebron James and Missy "Misdemeanor" Eliot touting Sierra Mist, did you? For the same reason, black people are also not as receptive to Diet Sprite. Black people gave Sprite Remix a chance, partly because the hiphop-influenced name of the product was appealing. In the end, however, black people realized that when faced with the choice between Sprite and Sprite Remix, they would much rather just go for what was most familiar.

This is not to say that other types of people dislike Sprite, but Sprite has a special place in the hearts of black people. Black people in America often feel as if they have very few things that help to define them as a group apart from the rest of America (i.e white people). Seeing their heroes--such as Grant Hill and Method Man--endorse Sprite fills their hearts with the assurance that this product is truly "theirs".

FAQ

What is this blog about?
This blog is a satirical look at things that black people like.

I'm a black person and I'm offended by some of the things you say. Did you know that all black people are not the same?
Sorry. Everything you are offended by is a joke. Everything else is serious though.

Isn't this just a rip-off of Stuff White People Like?
Yes. Although, while Stuff White People Like is a satirical criticism of liberal white culture, Black Folks Like... is a tongue-in-cheek celebration of modern African-American culture. And jokes.

Don't you think Christian Lander, the author of Stuff White People Like, will get, like, mad or something?
Maybe. I hope not.

Hasn't this been done before? Surely you're not the first people to think of making a black version of Mr. Lander's blog?
You're right. It's been attempt several times. Those blogs, however, usually rely heavily on overused and/or negative stereotypes (fried chicken/crime, etc.) and almost always go dead after a month or so. These are two things I want to mostly avoid.

Are you even black?
Yes.